I met my boyfriend almost three years ago. He partied just like everyone else but who isn’t a weekend warrior these days? I had just gotten out of a relationship with someone who had a coke problem and was ready to move on.
Fast forward to now. We live together with our dogs and I am happy most of the time. To everyone else we probably seem like a normal couple except if you look closer our lifestyle are very different. My night table has a lamp, a candle and sometimes a bottle of water. His night stand has the same things as well as a cut up straw, a credit card and a pill crusher.
He actually has several pill crushers. I’ve found some in the pockets of his jacket, one in his shoe and a few in our medicine cabinet. The world of painkillers is completely new to me but this year I’ve learned A LOT. Like the difference between blue pills, green pills and how suboxone is supposed to help you wean off these.
There’s been cold sweats, stomach aches and a list of other side effects I could never live with. In fact, I have never touched a drug save for smoking a little weed in college. I have my anxiety to thank for this. Most of my friends know that my fear of experimenting with drugs is up there with asking me to jump out of a plane. My fear of losing control trumps everything.
And then there’s my vanity. I’m a girl who’s obsessed with skin care, yoga and all things beauty related and have seen the ugly side effects from drug and alcohol abuse.
There was one time he asked to go to rehab and I felt the biggest wave of relief but it was short lived. Someone told him he could curb his cravings with Kratom, an herbal drug from Southeast Asia that acts as a sedative at high doses and helps people with opiate addiction.
So this is where we are at now. He is sweet, caring and I love him to pieces. I want to help him but all our fights lead back to the same place – ‘one day’.